Mar 2, 2010

Miscommunication

Hello Ocean Dreamers!

Thanks for all of your fun comments on 
Alice in Wonderland. 
Glad you are as excited as me to see it!
Sorry I have yet to post my poster board Japan Interior.

I was quite occupied with 3 hours of  
The Bachelor last night!
Did you watch it?
What did you think?
I think many of you must be mad!
Some of you may hate what I am about to say...
but Vienna actually grew on me 
by the end of the show!
I know, I know, she was pretty
annoying throughout this year
of The Bachelor.
I agree that her people skills aren't the greatest.
She doesn't make a lot of friends 
because she's just too honest and blunt.
But she managed to steal Jake's heart.
I think she was genuine with him.
I think she really does love him.
After all, the point was for Jake
to find ever lasting bliss with someone.
The show is not like American Idol
where we choose.
He gets to choose who makes him happy.
If Vienna makes him happy, 
then I am happy for them. 
 If they get each other, I think they 
should hold on to one another.
Love can be rare and you need to hold 
on to someone who knows the real you.
Someone as Jake said "connects"
with the deepest part of you.
Sure, I still think they have a lot to learn.
They may still be in the honeymoon stage
of their relationship.
Time will tell and love will hopefully prevail.
Yes - I actually think they will last.
It's the hopeless romantic in me. 

 {side note I loved Tenley 
& she's a sweetheart.
She deserves all of the happiness
in the world and I hope she finds
her prince soon!! Plus can I have
her athletic frame please??}

Watching The Bachelor made me 
think about communication.
Yep, I'm a communication major 
and am proud of it.
Specifically though,
it made me think of miscommunications.
We all know that Vienna had these!
Oh how I dislike having misunderstandings!

   But I think communication has a lot 
to do with relationships.
Especially romantic ones.
Obviously.
If there is a miscommunication, 
then there is often an argument.
Those aren't fun. 
It's easier to understand one another
than to bicker.
Let's look at the definition just to humor me:

Main Entry: mis·com·mu·ni·ca·tion
Pronunciation: \ˌmis-kə-ˌmyü-nə-ˈkā-shən\
Function: noun
Date: 1964
: failure to communicate clearly

Sometimes I miscommunicate with BK 
and it really bikes. 
I feel like this.
 
Yes, I think a lot of it stems from us learning
what sets us off and what makes us tick.
I also know though that communication
takes work. 
I've learned that -
You have to choose your battles
and be patient and understanding.
You have to clarify things.
Don't assume you are in the right.
Surrender your pride.
Surrender your stubbornness.
This is a hard one for BK and I
because we are both German.
Umm, we are both extrememly stubborn!

I'm sure for Jake The Bachelor 
he is not always going to communicate 
with Vienna perfectly.
She may get into some spats with 
the sister in laws!
Ha ha.
A lot of people give up on perfectly good
relationships because they feel like
they are not understood.
They feel misunderstood.
They are suffering from miscommunications.
The reality of any relationship
is you are not always 
going to communicate perfectly.
You have to work to understand 
one another.
No man or woman is perfect.
Sorry to break that to you.
If you are intially compatable,
my belief is that this does not go away
unless you allow it to go away.
You may get used to one another,
hurt one another, and not be able
stand one another sometimes.
Take a deep breath.
 I'll leave you with some questions
I ask myself when I'm not communicating
well with BK or anyone for that matter.

1. Is this a valid argument?
2. Am I just seeking an argument out of boredom 
{call me crazy but when I PMS I do this}
3. How can I solve this?
4. Do I need to go for a run or think for a moment?
5. Take a deep breath
6. Count to ten slowly
7. Communicate what you are trying to say &
don't let your emotions rule
8. Be content with the fact that you 
may not be understood all of the time 
and that's okay!
9. How can I improve this situation?
10. Am I being patient, loving, 
or argumentative and judgmental?
Hope these tips help...this is how I rationalize
my miscommunications anyway.

I try to -
Go back to the basics.
Love the person.
Find something to new to care about daily.

Happy communicating!! :)

*all images are from weheartit.com!

XOXO,
P.S. can you tell I misscommunicated with BK this morn? 
ha ha, I think I feel better now.

31 comments :

  1. Hey lady!

    Great post, and good perspective. I know that if the media and society were bashing my relationship with my husband, and hoping for it to fail...it would not make me feel very good!

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  2. I'm totally with you on the whole Bachelor issue...I think if he's truly happy with his choice and they're really in love, then more power to them! I SO needed this post today, girl!

    It's so true that many people just throw in the towel on promising relationships because of lack of communication. This post was just what I needed to hear today! : )

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  3. I love that yes/no diagram above! I actually had a conversation like that with my boyfriend a few weeks ago! Communication is so huge, and it's true: you have to pick your battles and be humble and patient and kind. Great set of questions you have to ask yourself when you're at a crossroads in your relationship communication! I'm sure they serve you well.

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  4. I still just didn't get it...my heart was not connected. Jake and Vienna's relationship(from what they showed us) appeared to be lust, rather than love. And lust does not last. I'm all for passion, my relationship with my hubby wouldn't of lasted through some of the trials we've gone through if we didn't have passion. (loves flames are flames of fire, a most vehement flame. Song of Solomon8:6) But loves passion is pure and Jake/Vienna's made me feel icky. His rejection of Tenley actually made me cry...and she was not one of my favorites. I do believe they fell in love too. And I think they had a better chance of lasting. She seems much more grounded as a person. I look forward to watching Ali as the Bachelorette...I think it will be alot more fun. Isn't she a beauty?!

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  5. great post ladycakes! Just what i needed today. :)

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  6. Hmm...I was not too happy Jake chose Vienna. But like you said, it's not American Idol or anything. But I agree with fairmaiden, it seems Jake chose lust over love. I guess we'll find out in time...if it lasts, great. If not, hopefully he will have learned his lesson. Sigh.

    Great communication tips. I'm a comm major too so I really do appreciate them. :P

    PS. Sooo excited for Ali on the Bachelorette!!

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  7. Tenley was beyond adorable- I mean really, she was so cute. But, I see what he means as to why he didnt' pick her... the heart wants what the heart wants! :) Vienna is a bit odd but if it works for them who are we to argue, I don't know. Jake is (obviously) insanely cute but he's kind of dull...

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  8. I think the list of questions is really important. I know that I tend to start arguments when I actually want something else {attention, affection, etc} and it's not good. I hope you and BK are just fine!

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  9. The Bachelor just goes to show that you never can pin people down and predict how they will behave. I suppose that's why they call it free will. Something about Vienna really did it for him (though I'm thinking it was a lust/physical decision) as opposed to anything else. But that's a MAN for you. The way a woman thinks and a man thinks can be sooooo different!!!

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  10. Great thoughts and tips.

    About a year ago hubby and I were having communication issues and we had the opportunity to sit down and really talk about what was bothering us (we still go to the couples counselor that we went to pre-wedding). We got everything straightened out and we really haven't had an issue with that particular subject since!!!

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  11. I didn't watch the Bachelor at all... but based on the chatter on Facebook, Vienna didn't seem like anyone's favorite. It seemed like most people were on Team Tenley.
    But you're right... it's his life. Granted, he chose to live a big part of his life on TV, but in the end, its his decision, his happpines....

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  12. Great post!
    I definitely don't love Vienna but I think her true personality is somewhere inbetween what the tabloids are saying and how Jake is depicting her. I'm sure she's not as bad as everyone is making her out to be!

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  13. I wish them happiness and many many years together. I think age and life experience has something to do with Vienna's bluntness. I also think it's easier to be friends with guys than gals. I would be willing to bet Vienna's friends in HS were guys and Tenley's were girls...

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  14. you're totally a hopeless romantic...right before you said you think they'll last, i was thinking eh, they'll never last. haha.

    and i agree, miscommunication is the cause to many relationship problems.

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  15. I totally needed this tonight. Thanks for the reminder to be loving even when I'm trying to get my point across.

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  16. Hey girl... I totally got sucked into all 3 hours too (couldn't they condense it a little??) Perhaps the cheesiest part was "After the Final Rose" when the guy sang a live version of "On the Wings of Love" while Jake and Vienna slow danced on the stage... Seriously, what WAS that song?? And what about Alli being the next bachelorette?! How do you feel about it? I'm not really surprised... I think the whole phone call/wanting to come back/"i made a big mistake jake..." sorta gave it away.

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  17. Lovely post. Relationships are definitely all about communicating and understanding what the other person is like.

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  18. totally agree with you on the miscommunication bit. guess it's only human sometimes (: ps: im bummed about jake chooses vienna though, either way it's their lives (: thanks for sharing! xoxoxox

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  19. I haven't watched the show but I know it is popular! It was interesting to read this! Happy Wednesday. :)

    xo
    Rachel

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  20. I really agree with you on communication ~ I am doing the book Love Dare from the movie Fireproof ~ it really does make you think about what you say and do before you do it ~
    xoxo
    Lori

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  21. I think Jake and Vienna are fine together. I actually think Tenly is too good for Jake! I need to stop watching the bachelor / bachelorette because it's SO cheesy! Like way over the top. It's getting on my nerves.

    That are you happy diagram is so true! Love it.

    Hope you're having a great week, pretty girl! XOXO

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  22. I actually agree with you about Vienna and Jake. I think that she brought something out of him that he was looking for and if so I really hope they're happy together. Although you know she totally thought he was saying no when he gave her the promise ring back!

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  23. ah the batchelor i love how dramatic that show is! xoxox

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  24. I don't watch that show, because it would prob. make me angry. lol Great post on communication. I def. feel you on that one. It's so important! Hope you're having a great week!

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  25. I didn't watch it until the end, but my mom had some pretty strong opinions about it, hah.

    But great post, and I loved your view on the whole thing!

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  26. Not a fan of Vienna. I just didn't like the way she carried herself, but I totally agree with you. I'm not marrying her. Jake picked the one he thought was right for him...:)

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  27. I really liked Tenley, I really admire how she handled everything and I wish her the best! I wasn't a Vienna fan but I will root for them to make it work, as so many of the Bachelor couples have broken up.

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  28. Once again, an incredible post!
    That is all very true and a great reminder to hear that if you are compatible with someone and things get shaky for a while- this is because no man or woman is even close to perfect and we need not give up easily, we just need to communicate better.
    You really made me think with this and with The Bachelor. You are so right that is what is most important with Jake and V. I read some articles where he says he ignores all public comments about them and all that matters is he knows he made the right choice.
    I am ashamed to say I was one of the bashers. I stooped that low like most of the general public. When really I know NOTHING at all.

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  29. ''think high and you will rise''

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  30. just stumbled across your blog - loved this post! The pics were great and your words were insightful!

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  31. Those are some wonderful tips! I need to save this post for when I have an argument with either my parents or my boyfriend! :)

    Thanks hun!

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