Mar 10, 2010

Restless

Lately I have felt rather restless.
I would classify myself as a person who
likes adventure and going to new locations.
But I think I am growing up and realizing
that these trips and fun activities
just don't poof and exist!
They both require money and time. 
I don't live on my credit cards.
So I am limited in what I do.
I don't spend what I don't have
because I don't want to be in debt.
Sometimes I think I am so weird.
One day I thrive on change, 
the next I can't stand the idea of it.
One day I want to move, 
the next I want to stay put.
My emotions are farely
unpredictable and keep me
guessing all of the time.
Since I am emotional person I've learned
to not always trust my emotions.
I can't let them rule me even 
though they mostly always do.
I've been frustrated this week
because I want to go somewhere
and do something different,
but those things require money,
time, vacation, and free time.
It's been so hard being patient
while BK is taking stressful
classes and working at the same time.
I don't think we'll be able to travel until May.
I've had to calm my spirit down
to just sit and read while he
studies or be okay with going
to the same place to walk with him.
I feel selfish and don't want to.
I am proud of him for planning
for our future and investing in 
a great career with so often
guys just sit on the couch and
do nothing with their lives.
But yet I want to get out and have fun! 
I know it's about finding a happy medium.
I also need to be content with myself.
Big Kiddo says I get bored with myself.
I think there is a lot of truth to that statement.
I think for me lately I've been striving
to be consistent with saving my money,
eating healthy, exercising, and
not going on shopping sprees.
So far I have been successful...
but you see I used to use shopping
as my escape route.
I used sugar as an escape too.
Food too - I'll admit
that last night I ate chips
just to try and make myself feel better.
 Right now I haven't been shopping.
I haven't been eating sugary treats.
I haven't been traveling.
I'm going mad!!
Ha ha.
 But because I've been saving money
this means I can't do as many fun 
activities that cost money. 
It's frustrating but I'm
trying to act more adult like
and not spoiled brat like. :P

It kind of limits me with activities.
I'm okay with that and trying
to be inventive.
Because if I save money and
save up my vacation then this 
means I can go on adventures later!
Good things come to those
who wait right??
I just want to go sailing
with my Big Kiddo right now!!
This really isn't a pity post,
just a rather honest one.
There are certain topics I can't vent 
about on my blog at times.
For example, my job and 
some of my friends.
It sucks, it really does.
This blog began as an artful
journey of sorts. I really 
didn't have a lot of expectations for it. 
At first just some artists were following.
Then I learned how much I loved
to write and share my life with everyone.
But I couldn't get rid of the fact that
some friends and people 
I know read my blog. 
I'm okay with it still but feel limited
in what I can say, you know what
I mean?
I also don't want to go private.
In my opinion I think this defeats
the fact of having a blog.
Sometimes I've had people form
an opinion of me by my blog.
Or tell me I need to confront
the person that I have vented
about in a particular post.
I don't want this to happen.
I should feel free to be me here 
and nothing more and nothing less.
Just because I vent about something
doesn't mean I haven't talked
to the person I wrote about in real life. 
No passing judgment please.
So anyway, I don't know if this post
is making sense.
My point I guess is that right now
I am feeling restless and trying
my best to overcome it.
Grow from it too I guess.
It is so hard to remind myself
that God can satisfy my heart.
My relationship with Big Kiddo
is not my only identity.
I can't get caught up in activities
and filling my time up.
That won't satisfy me other.
I think we can find
satisfaction in the little
things like being
there for a friend or learning
to be patient in life and in love.
God will take care of me and
take away my restlessness.
 After talking to my parents I've decided
to not go to Maui this summer.
My vacation is unfortunately limited
and I feel it would be best to take mini
trips through out the summer.
At first I wasn't okay with this
but I think I would be disappointed
if I used all of my vacation at once
and then would be stuck for a year
not going anywhere.

I have to learn to be content.
Satisfied.
Love myself more.
Exercise more.
Be okay being broken.
Be okay not having
everything go my way.
Be patient.
Be ready for change
but not force change.
I know this post is a little
odd to comment on.
Maybe you should just tell me
something you might be struggling
with through a word.
Just a word. 

Food. Hopelessness. Anger...
I think blogging brings us
together so we can share
our hardships with one another.

Ready. Set. One word comment! :) 

I'll start with my word.

Restless.


Thanks for listening Ocean Dreamers!!

XOXO,

45 comments :

  1. You may be going mad, my love; but you're in good company. In the words of the Cheshire Cat..."Oh, you can't help that, we're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad." :)

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  2. impacient.

    Take a low-budget to Austin! :P hehe

    You'll feel better hun
    (sorry for breaking the rule too)

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  3. Big big hugs! I know what you're going through. Call on us when you need us.

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  4. It is hard to be patient. Your words in the beginning are familiar because I have been with Dr. Hubby since high school so I was there for 5 years of undergrad...4 years of med school...3 years of residency. Not always easy to be second place to a science book!

    I am really glad we were patient and he worked hard to become something that would make life good for our family.

    My one word would have been "overeating" but evidently I have the same problem with words that I have with cookies...I can't stick to just ONE!

    {{Hugs}}

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  5. blessed.

    sounds so cliche and corny but honestly, whenever I'm grumpy and mad that I can't afford to just jump on a plane and head to aruba, I think about the MILLIONS of people who are struggling 10x worse then me. It always helps me put things into perspective. But I hear ya girl. I get restless, too! Maybe a new hobby to take your mind off things? Hope you feel better :)

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  6. Love yourself more, that's great advice!
    My favourite is this by Jonathan Swift:
    May You Live All the Days of Your Life"

    xoxo, Prefecta
    Another Fab Day

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  7. believing (in me that is)

    I always appreciate your honesty :)

    xoxo

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  8. I'm restless too, Sierra. I'm poor, broke ,and bored all the time. I have spring break next week, and I have no plans b/c I can't afford to do anything. :(

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  9. My thing: I could live in a different place every year. And since we moved here almost three years ago, I'm ready to go!! Problem, my husband has a job to go to..., and some of it might me "running from something" too!

    PS: Thanks so much for placing a Daily Vitamin Sea button...., I'd love to add yours to my blogroll there too..., do you have a button?

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  10. i know what you mean...i've been feeling restless too. bored to be exact.

    i blame the weather. it's that odd in between stage...you know the after winter but before spring feel. and well yea, i blame everything on the weather.

    pimple...weather.
    crappy mood...weather.

    haha. anyway, try to smile :)

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  11. Your post makes so much sense that I could have written it:) I feel the exact same way about money - I do not own any credit cards and haven't for about five years. It's been AMAZING. Hard, but amazing. I didn't have a lot of debt, per se, I just didn't want to accumulate any. And it's really taught me to live within my means. So when my hubby and I got married, and I was all concerned with down payments and the future, he was like, "You are taking some money and going to Europe." And now I am this summer - but I've definitely been waiting for years and years. It's so hard to be patient, but I know good things will come your way because you deserve them. Truly, you do. Just know that everyone feels the same way from time to time and we're all here for you!

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  12. I guess you know what to do sweetie... contentment is the key. And yes, great things come to those who wait.

    I've been bombarded by a lot of major stress-inducing experiences lately but you always see me smiling... those smiles are genuine. I don't let them break my spirit because I know that things happen for a reason and everything has a solution.

    We're here for you... and you can blog about anything and we'll listen. xoxo

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  13. I'm about to break the rule (oops, already did) and comment with more than one word.

    I so feel you on this, especially since we talked about this just yesterday! Oh, the fun of being an adult, right? NOT.

    Do not worry, it'll get better. I'm here for you and I know you're here for me. And you better KNOW I'm so very grateful for that!

    Love you mucho.

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  14. Oh I so know what you are feeling:)

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  15. Oh I so know what you are feeling:)

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  16. Oh love- so many of us are right there with you. I've been trying to save like crazy too, and it is almost enough to drive one crazy! I can't wait until the day that we can all look back on these trying times and realize how much stronger we are because of it. Until then- sending you tons of hugs and kisses your way!

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  17. Love you! Everything will get better, I promise. YOu just have to always remember that you make your own happiness! Other people just enhance it!

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  18. beautiful words from a beautiful girl... too beautiful to ever feel too restless.
    Faith is the only thing that can keep us all going!
    i agree with the girl in the frame...austin rocks! take a road trip!
    sending you lots and lots of love!!!
    xo

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  19. I'm the kind of person who wants to travel to exotic places but unable to splurge so many times too.

    Mini trips in the summer sound really good. :)

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  20. I know sooo many people who are feeling very similar to you right now. I honestly believe that there is something strange about this time of year (I know you're in CA and the weather is great usually)..but I think that the transition from winter to spring can make people a little batty/restless/bored/tired. Spring fever perhaps???

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  21. Oh I adore how you are confident and just pour your little heart out...which is why others want to read your heart/words...it is real...and others can relate to it!
    Sounds like to me sweetpea...
    you are doing some growing up!
    Restlessness is such a part of this process.
    Oh how restless I was in my 20's and 30's...always dreamin...never content...always wishing and wondering.
    Just ride it out...
    search your soul...
    find your place from day to day.
    But don't ever stop reaching for the STARS...
    keep shining BRIGHT...
    and being true to YOU!
    xxooxx

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  22. Can I just say four little words ?

    Husband lost his job.

    Life isn't easy for any of us , we can all understand how you feel. We want to stay positive in a world where things are so negative.
    The good news is that God has our back - He will guide us through the uneasy/the difficult , it's just hard at times to truly let go and trust Him totally.
    Thank you sweet Sierra for letting me vent/share this with you.
    THINGS WILL GET BETTER and then some things will always stay the same. Life is a balance.

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  23. disappointment

    I know I don't comment often but your honesty in this post was so refreshing :) I hope you start to feel less restless soon x

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  24. Thanks for being so honest with us! I think I know a bit what you're going through... the restless part. I love to travel and I've been travelling quite a lot. However, as you said career plans don't allow me to get away as often as I liked. So I made a deal with myself.
    I now also plan short trips for only one or two days. E.g. I'll go to a museum or go hiking or have a wellness day. Just to break the daily routine...
    That's helped me a lot...

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  25. one word: me
    Strangely, isn't it?i am struggling with me.with what i want and what other want from me.what i like and what i would like.what i resent and what i have to do.what i dream.what i want to be.how to keep a balance between everything.how to find motivation.how to stay positive and how to help others...how to become better...and the list could go on.
    i would love to say that you should to something to get over this, but, from what i've learnt,nothing can be done.it comes and goes.life has ups and downs.it's a matter of time to find our own way and good things do come to those who wait.i do hope so.maybe because i have been waiting for too many things?...

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  26. I love this post! I am such a restless person. So I would have to say that is my word too...

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  27. Darling, I can feel your words and understand you completely. Just try to find little places you haven't discovered yet around you and make every moment with BK something special. =)

    xoxo
    Sophie

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  28. I have a horrible time being patient. I think a lot of us feel the same way that you do.

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  29. LOVE

    heart you, heart your blog, heart all these pics!

    hope you are having a good day hun :) sending hugs to you!

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  30. anxious... impatient...

    i think we've all got our own reasons for feeling the way we do...

    but it all works out in time...

    :)

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  31. mini trips are sometimes a lot better than longer trips. trust me. :) and i think we're all a bit going crazy these days. not so sure why but we're all in the same boat. me included. ;)

    consider yourself hugged girl. and hopefully today is a better day for you hun. :) okay?! yes. :D

    xoxo

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  32. Big hugs, darling!

    xx Leia - thehifashionsite.com

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  33. Limbo.

    I know so well that aching frustration of just needing to get away at times and knowing that you can't.

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  34. restlessness and change.

    Try to hang in there, dear. I feel I'm in the same boat. I think we're twins from a different momma sometimes, because I feel we go through some of the same things, lol. I think I was right with you on everything you just said. I wish I could write about stuff at work, but I can't ruin Disney magic, plus I could lose my job if I talk about things I shouldn't talk about, so I totally understand wanting to vent about things you can't really vent about. :/ I've been soooooooooooooooooo restless lately. I think it's because everyday I'm realizing more and more that I'm getting older, and I think I'm starting to appreciate more every day that I have. Just try to take it easy, and one day at a time. You'll work it out soon enough. Hope this week starts to go better for you.

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  35. I feel the exact same!! sometimes i want to move and feel restless then i wanna stay put.
    would you like to exchange links with me my dear? :)
    vicki xo

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  36. AW don't worry you're not alone. I have conflicting emotions and wishes as well. And patience definitely is a virtue that is hard to come by! Don't worry about being judged on your blog, just keep being you and that all that matters

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  37. Hi doll, I just found your wonderful, rich blog today! I believe that mini trips are sometimes the best jewels. As far as not having money for a lot of things right now and being restless...Sounds like you need to go visit nature. Are there places where you can walk, hike, etc where it's just you and the wilderness? Living in L.A. I always find this brings me back to center. Take a deep breath of the fresh air, close your eyes, be part of the silence and listen to the birds, peace will find you in these moments ;) xoxo

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  38. We're all going mad! I just want you to say all your feelings are SO normal and I can SO relate to all of them! I really do feel for what you're going through. Just know those feelings pass.
    and I know- I wish we could talk as freely and openly on our blogs even though some who know us are reading. I am really glad I started my blog. I found you through it and your blog always brings me such comfort. So much so that I am sitting here at N's, on the verge of ending it with him and I signed on to your blog for some peace of mind.
    Thank you.

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  39. Hopeful!

    Too a point I think I feel similar to you. I know what you mean when you feel restless. I'm all out of sorts too. But I think you are doing fine! Just keep venting out whatever needs to get out.

    Hope it changes for you and the restlessness goes away. I decided to do the things I've always wanted to do. *hugs* x

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  40. No worries about having a "down" post- I think a lot of us have a blog in order to have such a post when it's needed. I'm sorry about your vacation cancellation, that is a bummer, but it sounds like you are making good decisions for what you want. I know it sounds lame but I think a smaller budget is helpful to discover your area. I think I often overlooked state parks and other outdoor, free adventures until I had no money and I soaked them up. :) I hope you are feeling better manana lady!

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