Mar 15, 2011

relating my relationship to The Bachelor

All I can say is that tonight The Bachelor hit too
close to home for me. I've tried to cut back on
being "too honest" on my blog just because I like
to preserve some privacy now that a lot of people
that I know read this blog. However, I do have to say
that tonight's show was refreshing and honest.
I would like to be honest in return...
What Brad and Emily said is true, that a relationship
is not always happily ever after. You have to work at it,
and I'm telling you after being away from BK for almost
two months - it's damn hard and I never curse on my blog,
lol. There have been moments when I've had my doubts
about BK and I have to say the last two months that
I have been away from him have
been a true test of our relationship.
I'll be honest. There were times I wanted to give up.
I wanted to quit and say forget this!
It's difficult when you can't seem to communicate
with someone and you have no
way to understand their body language
or give each other a hug and a kiss to
let one another know you aren't going anywhere.
The phone truly sucks and no
I don't think Skype is a good substitute;
nothing can compare to spending
real time with a person, 
holding their hand, and going to the movies
or just watching a movie at home, etc.
Call me a sap but I burst into tears
when Emily and Brad said they were
having issues. I went from adoring the
ending with the proposal
(totally a fan of Emily by the way)
to then thinking, "well this is great."
"Their relationship looks perfect and I'm having issues."
So you can imagine when they said
that they had broken up briefly I suddenly
didn't feel so alone. No - BK and I 
have not broken up at all recently, but 
I admit it has been really really hard.
I have a hard time bridging the gap and trusting
and believing in what we have because at the time
I might be basing it off of our most
recent argument instead of our future together
and creating in the flesh memories.
I can't wait to get to that point hopefully soon. ;)
So my point is -what couple doesn't have issues??
My point exactly. If people start criticizing Emily's feelings
I am going to be upset because I agree 100% how easy it is
to go from a cloud 9 to a cloud 0. Believe me when I left BK
I was on a cloud 9. I'll be perfectly frank 
when I say that lately I have been on a cloud 0.
I've wanted to give up but I won't.
I know that BK is the love of my life. I know we will
get married. Thanks to this sappy show it reminded me that
no relationship is perfect, everyone has their issues, and it
just take a love of "giving" as Emily said 
and yes dealing with
anger and frustration is no easy task. 
 
Also I think it's normal to have doubts sometimes. 
That part in and of itself on the show
really made me feel a lot better
and that it is normal to to go from a could 9
to a cloud 0. Suddenly I felt like a load was lifted off of me.
Wow, I thought - It's okay that I'm feeling this way!
I'm not some lame girl who is
feeling guilty for feeling like
I'm an awful girlfriend who can't
communicate with her boyfriend!
I just really related to their sorting out issues because I 
feel like I've been in the same boat.
It's hard being away from someone and
it's difficult communicating
and making everything work between two people.
 I also have to admit that sometimes
I lose my temper with BK when I could have been
a bit more savvy and held in
my immediate reaction because you
can't take back words.
It's so so important to think before
you speak and also - don't focus on the past mistakes!! 
For me, because I am so emotional I find it easy
to become bitter. You might not think this about me but
if someone I truly love hurts me it really really stings and
yes it takes a while for me to get over it.
 
I'm learning and praying how to let go of mistakes,
words that were said that 
weren't really meant, and doubts
that creep in my mind that I have to push away
because I know it's only the angst 
and pains of separation.
Also - what Molly and Jason said about "taking it out
on the other when you are away from each other"
is SO SO true! I hadn't realized that I have been
dong that to my poor BK until they said that.  
I swear this was my therapy session and it 
really helped me let go of some things that were really
bothering me in my relationship. 
Ha thanks The Bachelor!
One thing that did bother me on the After The Rose 
ceremony is that I felt that Emily was focused
on her past on the show and not necessarily their
future together. I know it must be hard
to watch it week after week and see Brad with
so many other women - but he ultimately chose her
and they are now together and engaged! Let it go girl.
Now, I have no idea what goes on behind the scenes,
what they have argued about, etc.
All I know is that you have to focus 
on the now, and not the past.
You have to shut out everyone's 
opinion of your relationship
(honestly that is so annoying for
anyone to have to deal with - don't you agree?!)
I can relate because in the past I did
have people criticize my relationship
and you really just have to ignore it,
"stay in your bubble," and move on. 
I can only imagine how much worse it must be having
to deal with tabloids and such. That's no fun!
But what must be remembered is that you 
are marrying one person. Not the person
who thinks they know it all and
thinks their opinion is the only
opinion that is valid in your relationship. Duh.
Okay, said my two cents on that topic. ;)
So I didn't mean for this post to get so personal, but again,
it really put things into perspective for me and gave me
a little boost of confidence in my relationship with BK.
I can officially say my cloud 0 has now turned into
a 5 and when I see my love again in about 3 weeks
I'm sure that cloud will escalate to a cloud 9
in no time flat. Thanks Emily and Brad for your
candid honesty and I wish them the best!! 
Thank you Ocean Dreamers if you actually
took the time to read this long relationship novel...

XOXO,

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23 comments :

  1. 3 weeks will fly! And then its BK time!

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  2. I think you were right about Emily not focusing on their future but on the past and what happened on the show. I really enjoyed reading your "personal" connection to this. I can't say that I know first hand what you are going through but everything you said makes sense. It is very easy to go from Cloud 9 to Cloud 0 when you aren't with the person and talking on the phone doesn't always help. But just knowing you love each other and have a special bond with one another will show you that despite ups and downs the way you make it through shows you are meant to be together. I think your post was extremely well written! The next few weeks are going to fly by and you'll see your love before you know it :)

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  3. I agree, every couple has issues or problems once in awhile; most of the time it can be healthy towards the relationship for it to grow even stronger.

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  4. You know how I think about this. ;) If every relationship was picture perfect life itself would be boring, nothing exciting would be happening, nothing to look forward to would make the relationship grow. And by having arguments and things like that you just grow - together. :)
    Then again, what do I know!! Huh?

    And in no time you'll be landing in CA again seeing your love and forgetting all about it...and cloud 9 won't be there...cloud 27 or something very high up there. ;) hahaha.

    xoxo

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  5. Thanks so much for sharing your heart here dear! I am praying for you! The Lord is going to make all this amazing in His time! Maybe some day soon you wont have to be so far away from BK! I love your blog posts! They make me smile! Thanks for being real! I love that!
    XOXO

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  6. I'm sorry you're struggling hun! Long distance is really hard. Only a few more weeks until you get to see BK!

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  7. i lovee this post! everything is soo true<3

    Btw. thank you for the comment :)
    You are welcome to follow?<3

    Hope to see you on my blog again soon..

    xo
    http://julia-louise.blogspot.com

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  8. I loved the show and reading your reaction to it. Thanks for sharing. I'm also in a long term, long distance relationship. I can relate to every last thing you said.

    It IS refreshing when people are honest about their relationships. Thanks!

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  9. Sierra I loved this! So real, so vulnerable, and so reality for us all! Xoxo

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  10. I'm so sorry your'e struggling Sierra.. honestly, one of the worst times was when I was roommates with my Sister during her engagement. She fell in love and is now married to a British man. Due to this, they had to go to great lengths to legally marry in the country and my Sister, wanted to do it all the right way so they never would have to do it again- they got a lawyer, they filled out every form, he waited for his Green card, etc. But the bad part? For 8 mths while they waited on the Government's decision, he couldn't come here and she couldn't go there (as advised by their lawyer). And this was her engagement! They skyped twice a day and I saw her cry more that year than ever... I think the important part is an endpoint and you can do it! In the meantime, just find a way to normalize this unnormal period in your life. Best wishes!

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  11. this was a long post...and i did read it all (:

    if it is meant to be it will be but all things of any lasting value require a little bit of hard work, making them even more worthwhile.

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  12. I did take time to read it, indeed! Very articulate. Hopeful. Painful :)

    I haven't been around for a while and just want to say that it is a joy when I do pop onto your blog ... There is always a new element and new ideas and new designs. Have loved the journey of your blog developing over the years ... Well done. x

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  13. What a great, honest post! You are SO right...relationships are NOT always perfect. I think anyone who says that they have a perfect one is crazy...or really boring. Haha. It was nice to see them being honest about their struggles. I really hope they make it! Praying for y'all, too!

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  14. This is seriously the most honest and heartfelt blog post on relationships that I have ever read. You really hit the nail on this one.

    First, I am so sorry you are dealing with all these issues right now and being away from BK. I can't even imagine what that is like.

    Second, as a fellow Bachelor fan I adore how you can use the show to point out the reality of relationships. It's SO true. NO relationship is perfect. There are always going to be issues, whether it is distance (physically or emotionally) or anything else.

    To me, half the struggle these issues are NOT the issues themselves, but how you deal with them as a couple. You just have to do the best you can...

    I'm probably not making any sense right now, but I'm trying. Lol. When it comes to discussing relationships, I can't put it as plainly as you do. It's hard!

    If you ever need to talk or get anything off your chest, please feel free to e-mail me.

    Love you!! xoxo

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  15. *half the struggles WITH these issues

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  16. Life isn't perfect. It's just not. I didn't watch this season of the bachelor but, I will be watching it this summer. Candidly, Brad just didn't do it for me. By the way, GREAT post - I think I need to link you up for ...this & that... Thursday. H

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  17. love this post. i can really relate!
    following you now :)

    ashleyborysewich.blogspot.com

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  18. Every relationship has its ups and downs, it's how you deal with them that makes or breaks the relationship.

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  19. Your right every relationship has it's difficulties. We still do in our marriage. But even when I'm on the "down"...I know in my heart that he is still the one, and always will be! I think that's why, when we disagree about something, it's important to work it out, no matter how painful the process might be.

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  20. I do understand that it's not always 'happily ever after' And that's fine. I think a relationship grows even stronger when you are able to weather the ups and downs. It's not really realistic to think that it will all be perfect anyway.

    I think you are doing great and when you are with your guy again it will be wonderful! x

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  21. Totally knew he was going to pick her! She's too pretty for him though hehe!

    I agree with you about relationships, they aren't perfect or easy. I've always felt that fighting is always normal (be it with a boyfriend or friend) becuase it means you value the relationship enough to be honest and express your feelings. If you have never gotten into a disagreement, you probably aren't being honest with each other.

    I think your relationship seems to be strong and I wish you two all the best :)

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  22. wow. wow. wow. New follower, coming from Heather Pranitis/This & That - this is an amazing post! So many people write the Bachelor off as a stupid show, but I'm telling you, Monday night was real. I was heartbroken, too - but the reality was right there on the television, and you could just feel the intense yet difficult love right through the tv screen! I applaud you for being so honest in your post - being able to recognize that a relationship isn't perfect is a great way to make it even better.

    Have a wonderful weekend!

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  23. Somehow I found this blog post you posted before I became a follower. I think I was meant to find this. I am kind of scrared of how insanely relatable it is to my life right now. My fiance and I are apart for 9.5 months and see each other every three weeks. It is hard. Plain and simple, just like you said. He is not a big phone person, so it makes it that much harder. It is so hard to show affection through a receiver. But I agree there are times you just want to throw in the town until you realize you could never lose this person. They are your life. Things can be hard. Really hard. But it is the future you have to look at. That some day you will be hand in hand everyday for the rest of your lives. I keep reminding myself on the days where I feel like giving up. I will pray that your relationship blossoms as I know it will. It's gotta rain to make flowers. :) Thanks for sharing. It was a wonderful post.

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