Feb 10, 2012

one sided friendships

Do you ever get the feeling that you're stuck in a one sided friendship?
I admit I've been in this place before and every time it happens
I have to ask myself - what went wrong?
Just like romantic relationships friendships sometimes go sour.
You may have developed different interests, gotten hurt 
over some trivial matter, or developed jealousy that 
eventually tore the friendship a part. 

There's a fine line in friendship. Unfortunately the more
you get burned the more you hurt, and the more you hurt
the harder it is to trust. 

I try to not get myself into a situation where I confront a friend,
asking them if I did something wrong or letting them know that
something they did hurt me. 
The reason why is that you don't know how they will respond.
Will they respond in earnest or will they attack you?
What did I do wrong you will ask yourself.


Some people like to call this drama, I like to call this honesty.
Yes, there are many trivial matters that should be let go of.
But - there are also times that the air needs to be cleared,
otherwise things can eat you alive. 
I find if you can't let something go, then it's time to let this
person know. If they can't handle your honesty
(in kindness of course), then they were never 
a "safe friend" to go to, to begin with.
Plus it often means that they're looking for an escape route.
Real friends these days are few and far between.
I'm fortunate to have a few good friends.
But - I'm okay with just having a few. 
It does however hurt when I find myself in a one sided
friendship yet again. Oh those are never fun.
I used to feel like I needed many friends and I admit that
I still fall into this popularity trap occasionally.

But, do you know what this comes down to?
The need to be loved.
We all want to be loved and adored.
Even by our friends. If a friend backs off for some
reason and you find yourself missing their company - 
do you confront them or let it go?
This is a question I often ask myself.
All I know is that the older I get, the harder
friendships are to maintain.
How much do I push to keep a friend or should
I be pushing at all if I even feel the need to push?

What is the point when something turns into the cliche 
phrase that I have begun to hate - "DRAMA."
Sure, girls are the worst. We love to analyze things to death.
I am guilty of this. But - if I do clarify with a friend I only
want to repair the damage or misunderstanding that has taken place.

A few more thoughts on one sided friendships.
I think their needs to be a change in our society.
Friendships should not be superficial.
They should be genuine and lovely.
If a friendship is not this then perhaps this is
the wrong friend for you.

Sometimes I wish that friendships were easier.
Wouldn't life be nice if you could hold a sign
that says - "friendship for hire?"
Or...as this picture says,
I'm lonely...Will you be my friend?
I'm going to stop trying to force certain friendships.
I'm going to be confident in myself that I am a good friend
and that if a friend cares, they'll want to make
the effort to spend time with me
as much as I want to spend time with them.

Of course I'm not perfect either.
 There's always ways to improve on being a better friend.
But it's important to not get caught being the only friend that's trying
to make something work.
Two way street...

That's not too difficult, right?!
I wish this was so.


7 comments :

  1. Well my dear Sierra it's happened to me also, and it really sucks when you have to ask someone, what is wrong etc. I hate it! But you know eventually these kind of friendships do not last for long! Or if they're kept it's more of a typical relationship and not a true friendship! Have a nice weekend Sierra.

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  2. I am going through this now. There is a certain friend that seems to enjoy when I go through hardship. I've recently found out things, like that she tried to persuade my boyfriend to not date me and that she lied to me about some major things this year to make sure my relationship would be shakey, and those things have made me just shut off to her. I tried for a long time to try and be a supportive friend but like you said, friendships can't be one sided and this one obviously is. I am very sad about it, I've known her since I was thirteen but these problems have been consistent and she has admitted a few times that she does do these things on purpose/ will try to be more supportive - to no avail!
    Everyone deserves good friends, great love and a happy life -- everything else just needs to be dropped!
    xx


    The Urban Umbrella
    xoxo


    http://urbanumbrella.blogspot.com/

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  3. Awwww...I think we have all gone through this at some point in our lives! I know I have. It's so upsetting to realize that you are the only one the cares in a friendship. I found a pin on pinterest that I love and it says 'Your time is precious. Don't waste in on someone who doesn't realize that you are too.'
    xo

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  4. It is a two-way street...and even though this post wasn't a fun one I loved it. And yes girl, you deserve better and should not waste your time on someone that doesn't appreciate you and your kindness.

    HUGS!!!

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  5. I love how deep this post is! It raises so many important questions about friendships. I'm simply inspired to think more about it. I think the biggest issue with me and this problem is that I allow other's behavior to effect my opinion of myself. Just because my friend is a crappy friend doesn't mean I need come down on myself---but I do. I have to say goodbye to my codependent ways!! haha. :) You are so lovely! Don't let the turkeys get you down.

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  6. This is a great post. I have learned that sometimes we just outgrow certain friendships and that's OK. A few years back I had to cut ties with a friend I had since the 6th grade. It was a long time coming because she was just a surface friend. She didn't really care about anything that was going on in my life. It was all about her. It actually feels good to not have her around because she really wasn't enhancing my life at all.

    Jayme @ Her Late Night Cravings

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  7. This is a great read. It helped settle some unanswered questions, to make me realize how not alone I am. I think you hit the nail on the head, your friend should be a safe place. Recently when trying to confront a friend regarding her "aloofness" I was told "If you feel this way, why would you even want to be my friend." It seemed she didn't care by that statement, that she was pushing me away. It seems I've been there more, listening and advising, whereas she listens and asks questions but rarely contributes her own thoughts, and that's something I need.

    I've begun to realize that it's time to back off and let go. The final straw was when I was chased down by a man while cruising my bicycle. I was terrified and honestly, hurt she was never there for me.

    Yet during that same week she contracted chicken pox, and I was sure to email and make sure she wasn't scratching, asked how she felt etc.

    Yes, time to move on.

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